Beex Week - 5th June 2009

Written by Plissken on 05/06/2009  –  Filed under: Articles, Community, News

Tags: Beex Weex

Up To Jump is proudly affiliated with the Be Excellent To Each Other forum (often shortened to Beex or BETEO). Every week, we compile a list of our best posts and some of the more notable threads for your perusing pleasure — so you don’t need to be a regular to keep up to date with the forum.

And now, a special announcement from the Prime Minister, the Right Honourable Gordon Brown MP

This is a time of great seriousness and crisis for our country, therefore it is beholden to me that this week’s Beex Week must be a special austerity edition. It is not presented by Stephen Hawking, as his batteries have run out, but I can assure you that the 12 11 9 7 remaining members of my Cabinet are fully behind the policies laid out below. But let me tell you this, this edition of Beex Weex will contain words, and sentences, and in these hard financial times, it is the intention of this Government to lead the world in wasting no more words than necessary.

The current situation is as follows.

Left 4 Dead 2 - right on!

The recent announcements from Microsoft, Nintendo and Sony at the worldwide E3 Summit have been largely welcomed. The House did sterling work in watching and commenting on the live streams. I must remind the Honourable Members that we must comment from afar, and not put particularly exciting goodies on expenses. Although I am sure that the Fee’s Office will allow fact-finding trips to the new Monkey Island.

It is incumbent upon any Government to build on the achievements of its predecessors. When Empire magazine did it, they fell short of their goal. The commendable work put by the previous administrations of Your Sinclair and Amiga Power created something that was almost perfect. But it is time to grasp the nettle as the world awaits the inhabitants of this House to decide the Truly Definitive Best 50 Games… Ever!. I ask the Honourable Members to consider these measured proposals and then PM Chinnyhill10 with your list. All other charts from all other sources pale into comparison to the aggregated word of BeeX as we all feel the hand of history upon our bottoms.

I and my Government with to offer our sincerest congratulations to Zio, who had five minutes of fun and now has a lifetime of pain, as he has become a daddy. Little Zio-ette does not yet have her own seat in the Beex Chamber, though I would expect her to fill one after the next General Election, which I will call at an unspecified date and not before it is in the best interests of the country.

McG? Why did it have to be McG?

In times of great need, we need guidance. I therefore lend my support to the Honourable NervousPete and his recent White Paper on the merits (or otherwise) of the new motion picture Terminator Salvation. The House then debated the merits of the Terminator series, like the Honourable Nerds they are.

Hang on a minute… me eye has fallen out

And finally, I must thank the assembled Bezzies for exercising their solemn democratic duty. And laughing at UKIP.

In these times of austerity, one must keep ones chins up. The following are presented as “examples” of “humour” that can be printed out and pinned to the wall of your local Constituency Office.

In the absence of any official report upon the state of the music industry, I must thank the Right Honourable Dimrill for reviewing the Guitar Hero 5 bandlisting. It shows the kind of concise prudence which exemplifies this Government and I hope that the gaming magazine industry learns from his example.

The House has clearly not yet recovered from being introduced to the frankly astonishing Kiss shreds.

And due to the ongoing cutbacks within the public services, I throughly support micolleague Myp’s proposal for POTW.

I commend this Beex Weex to the House. And I’m going to cling on like a particularly stubborn limpit for the next 12 months. You’ll see… you’ll all see.

I’m Prime Minister! I’m Prime Minister! You’re not! You’re not!
Oi! Blears! Waaaargggh!