N+

Written by Wullie on 26/07/2010  –  Filed under: Reviews

Tags: Metanet, N+, ninjas are better than pirates, XBLA, Xbox 360

“Don’t count your ninjas before they’re hatched”
I always thought ninjas were sneaky wee fuckers that somersaulted into your room at night, shurikened your missus, stabbed you in the heart & scarpered before someone finds the bodies. It turns out that’s just a myth. They’re really a bunch of superevolved magpies that jump around on everything like one of those parkour nutters but in search of gold instead of thrills. What does a ninja even do with gold? Do they decorate their ninja nests with it to impress potential suitors? Do they melt it into enough Savillery to rival the king ned/chav? I don’t know & to be honest I don’t really care, because what I do know is that N+ gives you control of these pint-size plunderers & it’s fun.

“Too many ninjas spoil the broth”
I’ve been playing N on my PC since 2004, so when N+ was released in 2008 with improved controls & multiplayer I leapt at the opportunity & I’ve been playing it ever since. You see the beauty of the N games is that each level is a deceptively simple puzzle. You’ll look at it & say “Excellent, all I need to do is run over there, hit that switch to unlock the door, then run back to exit through it.”, then you’ll notice that some careless oaf has dropped a load of evenly spaced mines. “Fine” you’ll think, “I’ll just jump over them then”, but no… the ceiling is a bit low & some joker’s stuck mines all over it. Now you’ll have to do teenytiny jumps to avoid the mines on the floor while avoiding the mines in the ceiling & this is why I love & hate N/N+ in equal measures, the levels have been designed by some kind of genius sadist that clearly hates ninjas.

"OH NOES! I HAVE BEEN DEADED!" - Get used to this screen, you'll see it a lot.

“Old ninjas never die, they just fade away”
“Aye, great. So we’ve got to jump on top of stuff & avoid mines. Nae bother.” Well actually, no! As well as the inanimate hazards there are a cornucopia of cunts that all want you dead as well. These include but aren’t limited to; auto aiming turrets, lazers, homing missiles & wee electric dickheads that follow you around like a pervert in a nightclub. Luckily our crafty kleptos are as agile as, erm… ninjas, they can leap, bounce & slide their way through the level with ease & all while showing no fear in the face of almost certain death.

Pervert Rockets following Disco Ninja around & looking at his bum.

“Don’t put all your gold in one basket”
“Right. So all we’ve got to do is jump over stuff & avoid getting shot, electrocuted or blown up. That’s still not too bad.” Ah! “I don’t like the sound of that “Ah!”. What is it?” Well, you start the each episode of five levels with 90 seconds & that’s your lot, but if you collect some gold you get time added on for each piece. Unfortunately the gold becomes increasingly sparse & difficult to collect as you progress further into the game. “Fucksocks!”

"YAS! I R WINRAR!" ... "Fucksocks! This next level is harder still."

“Hell hath no fury like a ninja scorned”
That’s the single player out the road, with the exception of one thing… leaderboards. The leaderboards are based on how much time you’ve got left at the end of each episode & when you get frustrated in the later levels it can be quite soothing to jump back to the earlier levels & beat all your friends times. Speaking of friends, N+ has added multiplayer modes including races, co-op & survival modes. Races do what they say on the tin. Co-op is self explanatory too, you rely on each other to get through the levels. Survival can be fantastic, you both start with the same amount of time but to win you have to take risks & collect gold. The winner is the one that doesn’t die or that still has time left when the other’s runs out.

“You can’t teach an old ninja new tricks”
Since it’s been out for a while N+ has gathered three lots of DLC. The first costs 200 points & contains a load of “easier” levels. The second is also 200 points, but contains “harder” levels. The third is free & contains “hard” levels. As well as that all three packs contain new multiplayer and/or co-op levels as well as some daft new outfits for your ninja.

Finally, here’s some more words of wisdom;
“Practice makes perfect”, “Patience is a virtue” & “Look before you leap” ;)

I love N+. it's just N, but better. It's not for everyone though, you need a fair bit of patience to get anywhere & the self restraint not to launch your Xbox out your window.