The State of the Nation (Or why I learned to stop worrying and move back to Morrowind) – An Open letter to the next Emperor

Written by MaliA on 16/04/2010  –  Filed under: Articles

Tags: Cyrodiil, Morrowind, Oblivion, RPG

Dear Sir,

After spending sometime in Cyrodiil, meeting its residents and performing the odd task for them, the time has come for me to move on.

I’ll be heading back to Morrowind sooner rather than later. Allow to explain the major problems that your nation faces and how you should act to fix these. To make a state a great one, it needs a productive, clever population.

These are my findings.

There doesn’t seem to be a particularly good work ethic in existence in the nation. Most of the time, the citizens just hang about. Shopkeepers take little pride in the organisation of their stock in the shops, and are seemingly happy to purchase most things from anyone if it saves them a trip to the cash and carry. Inn keepers are pleased to let people walk about the entirety of their premises, not even batting an eyelid if you go behind the bar and start rifling through the stock cupboards under their very noses. In fact, the only people that appear to do any actual work are the fighters in the Arena, but one supposes that, since they are fighting to the death for the entertainment of others but for a mediocre payday if they win. A generic loaf of bread costs 1 Gold Piece, winning your first couple of death matches will get you 50 of these. Down my local shop, it works out that I’d be paid a measly 50 loaves to fight for my life against an armoured bloodthirsty knight, which, honestly, doesn’t seem that worth it.

Many other people, whilst not lazy per se, suffer from appalling lack of judgement and complete disregard for the safety of others when it comes to making decisions. Take, for example, one of the organisations in Skingrad. The head of the Mages’ Guild there has gotten stroppy with another member and effectively told him to “Go and play outside”. “Outside” in this case is a cave to the northwest of the town, way beyond the safety of Skingrad’s walls. Hell, when the next door neighbour is someone called “Goblin Jim” it’s a pretty fair bet that the height of Leylandii aren’t going to be number one on the list of possible neighbourly disputes. Caves in Cyrodiil also tend to be packed full of angry, hungry monsters. Everyone in the land knows this. Everyone tells you this. Everyone also tells you to be careful when not in a city and stay on the paths. Despite this, the boss sends this poor bloke off on his lonesome self into certain peril. Intelligence being one of the most important attributes in being a wizard, and being in charge of all the practicing wizards in the large town, a post which one supposes takes time and dedication to reach, leaves this decision all the more baffling. Why do this? The Mages’ Guild is unnecessarily putting themselves at huge risk of a claim for failing in their duty of care toward their staff.

He probably doesn't want a cup of sugar

Another example of not thinking through the consequences of one’s actions is when a stranger appears in town,  announcing that he’s a Vampire Hunter. This must be a pretty good profession, presumably with really, really good health insurance, because people seem to take this on face value. This person then says “Oh, yeah, I’m here as he’s one of them!” and the whole town stands by and does nothing. Doesn’t ask for any evidence or even a reference, just says “Cool, yo!” and lets the stranger complete his business and charge them for it. After he takes his payment and leaves town, only then does the realisation begin to dawn that someone should have, at the very least, looked at his resume or performed some form of due diligence, like any competent or reasonable citizen would with the possibility of waking up with a bad case of “bitten neck” the next morning. Seriously, how long would it have taken?

In a land going to pot, rapidly, with massive, burning inter-dimensional portals opening up and huge demons residing in caves, talking cat and lizards are free citizens, Cyrodiil seems to be a pretty liberal place. Such as it is, it’s really normal for someone to go running down the street, jumping every third step to practice their acrobatics. It’s a miracle not everyone is doing this, but does explain why there are apparently no circuses (circii) in town. Next time you need to go to the shops, try this: take running jumps all the way there. Once you get to the shop, crouch down and creep about a bit. Finally, walk up to the counter, jump up and down twice then crouch down and attempt to buy goods that are on the shelves you have just passed. Also, try and a get a good look in the till to see how much cash is in there, don’t worry, it’s totally normal behaviour. This brings me, nicely, to my final few points.

It appears that most of the population have only themselves to blame for being ripped off, kidnapped, robbed or murdered. Sometimes all four; although not necessarily in that order. Someone says “Hey, I know you owe me a few quid, but pop over to this place, bring me this back, and we’ll call it quits OK” and then they think “Yeah, this guy sounds totally legit, despite his reputation as being a ruthless loan shark. I’ll totally do this”. Or, if you’ve a reputation as the town loony, and believe that there is a vast conspiracy against you what better way to get to the bottom of it, than to approach a complete stranger in the street, that you’ve just seen jumping, running and crouching through the shops, and ask them to do some detective work for you? That’ll totally change the world’s view of you, won’t it?

One of those times you hope it's someone who got a little too drunk at a fancy dress party the night previous

Furthermore, there exists another person in a different town that, on meeting you for the first time asks you about humping the dead and the possible penalties for it. It’s not the sort of thing that one brings up in conversation, over the counter with someone that wanders into your shop, wishing to purchase stuff “yeah, that’ll be 38 Gold Pieces, please, have a nice day, oh, by the way, you’re not an expert on the legalities of necrophilia, are you? Only I’ve got a quick question”.

Even the people in charge of regions are not immune to massive lapses of judgement when it comes to trusting others. Would any sane leader invite someone they’ve vaguely heard of to nip over to a castle, pick up a priceless artifact, conferring magical powers on the wearer and bring it back for them? No, I didn’t think so, either. Especially with little to no comeback if said person decides to do a runner with it. But yet, it still happens.

It is with this in mind that I depart, and, frankly, your problems here are your own, and you should be acting to stop them. Stop relying on strangers and outsiders to fix these problems, encourage your population to actually do some work and force both your guild leaders and provincial rulers to think of the consequences before they open their mouths and begin yet another fine mess.

I remain your humble servant,

Mali A, Imperial knight, 12th Level.